Hello Friend pt. 2

"Hey," says the man as he reaches his free hand towards my shoulder to offer me some comfort.  I open one of my eyes in time to see that he has merely put on the safety.

I let out a sigh of relief.

"You're alright.  From here on in you're going to be fine," he says with a kind smile that offers a glimpse into the blanket of society.

"Thank you," I manage to stutter as he points down the road and gives me directions to the hospital.

"There's about 800 of us," he says and then taps the hood of the car to tell me to continue.

I drive down the road until I can no longer see him in the distance.  I know that after one or two more bends there will be another checkpoint at a bridge before I can enter town.  My heart begins to race with a whirlwind of possibilities as I brace for the first signs of hope.

I leave my window rolled down and allow the sun to graze my cheek.  It is the first time that we've interacted with each other since the tragedy; and I so desperately want a reconciliation.

I look to the sun, who peeks from behind the haze clouds, welcoming me back into her warm embrace.  A moment later she points me towards the bridge entrance illuminating my safe passage as best she can.

I roll to a stop when I see him, the man guarding the bridge.  "Welcome friend," he says with a warm smile and holds out a tin can.  I look inside to see a slew of mismatched coins, and then look up to him with a confused look on my face.  He laughs before telling me that he likes to collect a toll so he can see how many people have passed through the gate.

"Ah," I say and fumble around for a loose coin. 

When I find one, I turn to him and apologize.  "It's all I could find," I say not wanting to offend him as I drop the penny into the can.

"Pennies are my favourite," he says and waives me along.

A moment later I wheel up towards the front of the hospital.  There's an eerie silence as I sit outside and collect my thoughts.  I look around to try and see where all the people are -- but there are none.  My stomach begins to tell me to turn around; but I ignore it.  Everything in me yearns for a reminder of how it used to be; even if this town is just a pale comparison.

When I finish negotiating the fear out of my mind, I reach towards the door handle to step outside -- despite the fact that the hairs on the back of my neck are telling me otherwise.

The Universe of Infinite Possibilities

"Mia, what iz yers sinking?" Consuela asks as she polishes her grill.  I continue to stare out into the parkette hoping that inspiration will hit.

It's an unusually quiet day.  There's hardly any customers, and so Consuela has taken this opportunity to chat with me.

Except, I don't feel like chatting at the moment.

"Mia!" she hollers at me as she rinses out one of her grill brushes in a bucket of soapy water to the right of the Taco Stand.

"Wha-at?" I moan back as I lay on the grass covering my eyes with one of my arms.

"What iz yers sinking.  Yers is berry quiets today." She says as she readjusts her apron and plunks down beside me.

"I'm just...thinking...." I say as I play with the blades of grass in hopes that perhaps they'll offer me some new direction.

"Yers iz a goods writer, Mia" Consuela says as she stands to attend to a customer.  I look around the parkette.  It has a vacancy in its atmosphere since the twins are no longer visitors. 

My mind wanders for a moment and I start to think about what would happen if I was able to help out the twins more.  What would that mean?  Would there have been some sort of universal ripple effect involved?

"Argh!?!?" I say as I waive goodbye to Consuela and head back towards home. 

In the universe of infinite possibilities it can seem quite impossible to narrow in on just one...

...and maybe, that in itself, is the problem that needs to be solved.

Hello Friend

"Hello friend," says the middle aged man who approaches me with a smile as I slow the car down to the checkpoint that he is manning on the outskirts of town.

"Hello," I say sheepishly as I look at the double barrel in his hands.

"I saw the note -- at the service station," I tell him as he walks around the car to inspect it.

He nods, and then whistles while he reaches the back of the car.  In the rear view mirror I can see that he's looking at the back bumper.

A moment later he returns.

"Long drive?" he says with a subtext that I'm unable to decipher.  My mind starts to whirl as I wonder if there is any blood on the back of the car that might seal my fate.

Not knowing what to do, or how to play my cards I decide to tell him the truth.  In that moment my shoulders begin to heave as I tell him every horrible event.  I crescendo when I get to the part about Mildred, and then crescendo again into an almost inaudible squeak as I hyperventilate through what happened with Annie.

He listens in silence as I try to gasp for air --

I look down the road beyond the checkpoint as the heaving turns into silence.  A moment later I feel the last warm tear roll down my cheek and onto my lap.

The man continues to stare.  When I make eye contact with him he squints his eyes into a sharp piercing glare.

I can tell that he is trying to assess whether or not I'm telling the truth.  A moment later I feel the air shift and watch him swiftly move his right hand towards the trigger.

I hear a click, and so I squint --

bracing --

for what happens next --

Heads up, good luck!

"I feel like I just left her on the side of the road," I say to the doctor as I collect my coat and head towards the exit.  He reaches out one arm and places his hand on my shoulder "there was nothing more you could do" he says with rehearsed rhetoric.

I want to cry, but I can't.  I can't cry for someone I barely knew.

A nurse smiles at me as I walk down the long corridor through another waiting room, and then eventually; out onto the street.

I walk along, half zombie-like until I see a familiar face standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

I stop in front of him, but he doesn't see me.  A moment later I notice what he's staring at:

a shiny penny on the ground.

Curiosity gets the best of me, and so I stand there waiting to see what he'll do.

A moment later he looks up at me and starts to walk away.

"Hey!" I yell after him, "What about your penny?"

Without looking back he simply says, "Head's up good luck," and continues walking until he disappears around a corner.

Part of me wonders if he'll notice that the twins are gone from the park -- but before I'm able to give it any more thought I make my way towards the penny; which is face down on the sidewalk in front of me.

I stand there for a moment, staring at the penny.  It's a shiny penny -- most likely minted this year.  Every now and then it glints at me in an ever-so-taunting manner.

Such a shame that he didn't want it...

I stare at the penny for another second or two before the heat of the day begins to get to me, and so, without thinking I reach down and turn the penny over.

"Heads up, good luck!" I say to myself with conviction.  

Somehow flipping the penny has made me feel as if I've accomplished something -- a small comfort for having been completely useless to the twins.  I let that thought linger for a few seconds before it evaporates into the heat of the day.  And as I fix my gaze on the street ahead of me, I hope, as I walk along, that I've managed to extend a ripple of kindness to someone somewhere who needs it. 

Someone who also believes in the magic of finding a penny; and the raw simplicity of good fortune to those who are willing to seek it.

Land of the Rising Sun

The blood on my overalls is starting to smell.  I try to hum away the thoughts that are occupying my mind.  It's hard to imagine that a woman with a dead body in the trunk and covered with blood is going to be readily accepted. 

I pull the car over to the side of the road.  For the first time in what seems like eons I see a grey light peek above the horizon and know that the sun will rise before I've reached town.  I walk towards the trunk of the car and try not to pay any attention to Annie laying there lifeless as I reach past what's left of her towards my knapsack.

Somewhere in my knapsack there has to be sunglasses. 

I've resigned to the fact that they will most likely shoot me when I approach the town limits, and so, for that reason I've embraced whatever damage the rising sun will do to my body. 

As I rustle around in my knapsack I come across something I had completely forgot about...

"Ha!" I say half laughing as I place my sunglasses on my head and turn the phone over to see if it has any juice left in it's batteries.

I press the power button.  For a second -- a brief second it lights up; and I see what's left of an emblazoned text message before the screen goes black.

"Come here, we're fine." the text reads. 

My eyes begin to well.

"Jesus," I whisper under my breath.  My heart has almost stopped.  Here, standing on the side of the road about to be blazoned with poisonous rays, I am given a new hope.

I stare down the road and know that if I approach the way I am -- death is certain.

I look to the west, and watch as Hope sails towards me.  4000 miles away my sister is alive -- and waiting.  I look down the horizon then back at Annie, then at my phone.

And in that moment, I decide to fight.  I tell Annie I'm so sorry, as I drag her body out of the trunk and leave it on the side of the road.  I don't have a chance if they see her.  And I know that she would want me to have a chance.  I use one of the blankets in the car to cover her and then take a deep breath before taking off my overalls and throwing them into the brush.

I use some of the water in the trunk to rinse myself clean.  As the first rays of light break and a yellow colour can be seen - I know that perhaps, in this new light, I might be ok.  When I'm certain there is no more blood on me, I change into some clothes that make me as presentable as I can be; a t-shirt and shorts and some very out of date cottage shoes that have never been in fashion.

With a deep breath I slip my sunglasses on my nose and say a quiet thank you to the sisters that helped me get this far.  From here, I am on my own.  But I have good news -- and if the others will listen to me; then maybe this nightmare is behind us.

I try not to cry as I pull away from Annie.  She wouldn't want me to suffer.

As I head towards town -- freshly bathed and with a bit of hope in my heart that all is not lost; I notice that the haze has lifted. 

The sun begins to pour its light pink rays towards the heavens as if to tell me that the worst of it has indeed passed.  And as the cloud of gravel and dust from the back tires grows in fury like a space shuttle about to launch, I know that I too am orbiting towards a better alternative; one with new horizons, high above the danger that once was so very real.

Temporary Mobile Grave

A minute or so passes before I have the nerve to readjust my crouch in the middle of the dark aisle.  I can't hear any footsteps, so I slowly crawl as stealthily as I can towards the cash register where a bit of moonlight will offer me some perspective.

My heart is racing so fast I can feel it pumping in the palms of both hands as I creep towards the end of the aisle; desperately trying to control my breathing.  I peek from the safety of the shadows and look around the corner --

and see --


nothing at first. 

The car engine still runs.

I stick my neck out a little farther to see past the car -- there's no one.

I take a deep breath and stand, and then I see what nothing could have prepared me for:

"No! No! No!!!" I yell as I race through the door towards our car.

Annie sits there slumped over like a scarecrow.  I can feel the burn from vomit rising in my throat as I blaze towards the driver's side to inspect.

"You stupid fucking bitch," I say out loud as I force the tears back and reach out to touch what's left of her forehead.  When my fingers find brain matter instead of bone, I know that she's gone.

"Why Annie?" I say in a half whisper as I slump onto the pavement and begin to cry uncontrollably.

How could she be so selfish as to leave me? 

When I manage to catch my breath between sobs, I stand up and scream.  I don't care what predators it attracts.  I scream until I can feel tears in my vocal cords, and then I scream some more. 

What kind of stupid fucking idiot would give up so soon? 

"You fucking stupid bitch," I say as I swing open the car door.  Her body slumps to the ground.

"All you could fucking think about was yourself," I mumble as I use my sleeve to wipe away some of the brains left on the headrest.

"Nevermind MY fucking needs, or the fact that I'd be all alone.  God forbid you fucking think of anyone but yourself!" I scream at her slumped body as I use some of the paper towels at the gas pump to wipe away her blood from the steering wheel.

I open a bottle of windshield wiper fluid and pour it all over the seat.  When it's empty I whip it at the convenience store and grab another bottle for the inside of the windshield.  After two or three more bottles I manage to somewhat clean up the car.

"Annie, how the hell are they going to accept me if the friggen car looks like it's been through a massacre?" I weep to her body. 

I realize amidst the crumbled bloodied paper towels, that I have nothing to wrap her in.  I take a quick scan around me before heading towards one of the outdoor freezers and remove it's plastic protective cover.

"Selfish fucking whore!" I yell and cry as I drag her body onto one end of the plastic and roll her up as best as I can. 

"Did you even think about me???" I yell as I drag her body towards the back of the car.  I have another crying fit, but use the last of my energy to lift her high enough that her torso flops into the trunk.  From there, I can lift her legs and place them in their temporary mobile grave.

"Bitch," I say with disgust and frustration as I race towards the driver's seat that is sopping wet from the combination of blood and windshield wiper fluid.

I start the car, and shove the double barrel away from me so that it leans against the passenger side window.

I only have 45 minutes or so until the sun comes up.  

And town is at least an hour's drive away.

You really shouldn't get involved

"How's she doing?" I ask one of the Nurses who walks out of the room into the hall where I'm standing.

"She'll make it," she says with a smile and points to a Doctor who is approaching from behind.  The Doctor smiles as he passes before entering the room where the other twin lays unconscious.  I wait until he's checked her chart before I walk in. 

"Are you family?" he asks as he jots down some notes onto a clipboard attached to the foot of her bed.

I shake my head 'no'.

Somehow, he doesn't ask me to leave. 

"Social worker?" he asks a moment later as he motions me into the hall.

"No," I say half expecting a lecture.

"Well, it's not uncommon for a twin to want to take their life when the other passes -- especially since they were all they had." He says as we walk towards a vending machine that dispenses coffee.  He asks me if I want anything while he pops some change into the slots, but I decline.

"What's going to happen to her?" I ask as he orders an instant cappuccino.

"Well, typically, a case worker would get involved -- and since she probably has no place to go, she'll be put into some sort of home for monitoring." He says as he slurps his hot coffee.

I wince at the thought of chugging back a hot drink.  When he sees my reaction to the way he drinks, he laughs.

"I'm sure the police have already told you this," he says walking away, "but you really shouldn't get involved.  There's a reason their families have given up on them.  They don't want to be helped."

He gives me a polite waive and turns the corner.  I listen to the sound of his footsteps getting softer as the distance between us increases.  Eventually, there is nothing but the hum of the vending machine beside me.

"I don't believe that," I whisper quietly to myself after he's gone.

I take a moment and stare blankly into the machine while I think about what I want to do.  A few seconds later I find myself popping some coins into the vending machine.  A robot watching robot arms make a small chai latte.

As I head back to my chair outside the twin's door, I settle in and watch bad daytime television while I wait for the surviving twin to awaken.  When she does, I will make sure she is taken care of.

That's the least I can do. 

It's what I would want someone to do for me if I were ever to wake up alone and afraid...