"What's the matter?" Says the patron as she sits in front of me and offers a smile.
I try to smile back, but I'm just not in the mood.
Consuela continues to ignore me -- and while there is a lull in the mid-afternoon rush I've decided to take a seat at one of the tables and contemplate; I think.
"I dunno," and say as I shrug my shoulders and start to stand. She raises her hand to stop me, and so I re-sit and listen to what she has to say.
"You're doing amazing things here." She tells me as she cracks open her can of soda and plunks in her straw before taking a sip.
I nod.
I am making a difference, albeit a slight one.
"Do you ever get the feeling that none of it matters?" I ask her. I have no idea why I've decided to treat this particular woman as a confident, but I suppose her interest in the business and her gesture of kindness has propelled me to start to expel all the thoughts that have been weighing on my mind.
"Ah," she says as she crosses her legs and leans back in her chair.
I like this woman. She's elegant. Nice.
And a good customer.
She comes in here daily, tips generously -- and always smiles.
"That's just an irrational thought cuz you're tired," she tells me as she points to our Apple-faced friend as he awkwardly attempts to clean the front windows during this quiet period.
"He's the happiest I've ever seen him," she says and then leans forward so he won't hear. "Before you came along he was in the hospital on a weekly basis, always being banged up for one reason or another. Poor soul," she says as she takes another sip.
"But now -- now he has a job, and a purpose, and a just look how his shoulders are higher. Have you noticed that he doesn't slouch as much?"
I take a second to glance over at him between the streaks of water left on the window.
She's right. He does have more confidence.
"So, you see -- you ARE making a difference." She tells me as she finishes her soda and stands. "You may think you've taken pity on one person -- but the ripple effect is huge. My workload at the ER is now less because he isn't in there. And, if everyone were to take the reigns the way you have -- well..."
"...the world would be a much different place." I finish for her.
"Exactly," she says.
"Donna," I tell her and stand to give her a hug, "You've been very helpful. I feel slightly recharged."
She looks a bit puzzled when I use her name, but then realizes she's wearing her employee badge with her name on it.
And a moment later we laugh.
As she walks out the door and heads back to the hospital, she tells our Apple-faced friend that the windows look great, to which almost instantaneously I hear from behind the counter a sourly and miserable Consuela retort under her breath, "No itz not."
And, before I have a chance to reprimand her for her sullenness more customers stream into the cafe -- and the harried frenzy of sandwich orders soon preoccupies my mind, no longer allowing me to wallow in thoughts that aren't real.
Donna is right.
They were most likely brought on by a fatigued mind trying desperately to stay positive in an ever-thankless world.
I am making a difference. And what I'm doing does count.
